It was a hectic Wednesday in October last year. We started to pack up our things, finishing online check-ins as we're going to fly to our own destinations at the same night. I was standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom with door opened, blowout my hair like usual. He paced back and forth in the room, tried to decide which shorts to carry while playing his favorite album of Sufjan Stevens. And suddenly he played this tune— Cold/mess. At that very moment I had no idea who Prateek Kuhad was, that was the first time I heard it.  "Do you like this song?" he asked me. I turned my face, looked at him and gave him a smile. The song kept playing, and I sat down on the edge of his bed, he followed me and sat in front of me— facing me. I was smiling bitterly while holding up the tears falling down from my eyes. It's going to be the last day I met him before spending months guessing and guessing when to meet next. And then suddenly, he looked into my eyes quite deeply, sang to me clearly, "I wish I could leave you my love but my heart is a mess," while my heart and brain couldn't stop screaming saying I love him. Until we're ready to leave. Until I hugged him at departure crying, whispering the words "I love you."

May 16, 2023.